After a breakdown in a relationship recently, I decided to consult a girlfriend that studies psychology. She recommended that I read Dr Demartini's book "Heart of Love." Now, most of us have emotional problems (albeit occasionally for some of us); and we get so worked up about it that we cause our bodies to shut down, and bring on feelings of total depression and hopelessness. Rubbish. Really. Demartini writes that the trick is to 'find the balance.' We are too easily focused on the 'disaster' of a disappointing experience (fighting, or losing, a loved one; job dissatisfaction; financial woes or similar). Yet, if you were to look at any situation more closely, you'd find that there's a very intricate process unfolding, which the universe has created to ensure the existence of every living organism. Nature, and life, works in balance. It's the law of physics, and you'll find it in your own life, if you discipline yourself to look for it. I found this to be truly the moment of awakening for me. It's not easy to explain all the detail in one blog post, but the most important facet to this theory is to see things as both positive and negative. When you experience the negative, you have to discipline yourself to find the positive in that situation/event. For example, when a person irritates you (negative), he/she is trying to tell you something about yourself that you need to work with in order for you to grow into a 'better' person (positive). Ultimately, we would all like to get along with everybody, and be a 'likeable' person.
Another example is accepting someone for who they are. All of us have a different set of values (things you prioritize in your life and live according to); and if you can understand that someone else's values will be different to yours - they'll judge differently, have different habits, interests, etc - then you'll be able to communicate to this person by appreciating their values instead of yours. This will result in someone liking you more since you speak to them through their set of values.
There are many examples, but my advice is to find this book and just read it. Make notes, study it, and learn the principles. It will truly make you love yourself more, and create a happier sense of understanding of people, and relationships. You don't need to worry anymore that you'll lose someone, for as long as you respect someone else's values, find the balance and show true love, you can't be denied love. Ever. And if you have to move on from someone that's not accepting you, then you'll never have to find fault with yourself, since you're honoring your own values and someone that respects that will appreciate you for being YOU.
*I'm flying from Johannesburg to Cape Town on Friday to visit my family on the West Coast. I am very excited. Have a blessed weekend!! And, spread the love!