When the pressure cooker is near boiling point, and the bomb is about to blast off, in that very moment, just before the explosion, the mess, the destruction, just then, one realizes... it's too late. One just knows.
The same goes for the build-up of emotional & psychological stress. You keep taking it, swallowing your pride, telling yourself to be strong, praying, trying to grab onto pieces of string that will motivate you to keep on hanging on, heart pounding and mind crashing until the scale tips over and the worries, the sadness, the stress, the fears and the uncertainty of solutions, cuts a piece of your flesh out of the strength you once had. Then, you look for the medicine that will heal this broken state of being - my meth, my GHB, the friends that soothes the pain, but weakens the heart and tears the veins apart from deep inside until every last breath of your soul regurgitates and asphyxiates your hope of coming out alive.
Perhaps in the moment of weakness, in the moment, just before the pot boils over, you already know, it's too late.
One just knows.
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